I can't help myself. Dilbert and his dry sense of humour always makes me smile. I finally put all my favourite photo's in my photo album, feel free to have a browse.
P.S. It's raining in London!

I went to the London Aquarium today, and just thought I'd try and share the amazing sense of peace that I felt. (Only something that can be given by nature) It's a pity I wasn't in my scuba, but this was the closest thing I could get to it. 

When I arrived here in London I took a job at a primary school. Being a teacher I thought this would be a 'step down' since I would only be a classroom assistant, assisting a 10 year old boy with cerebral paulsy. It was a complicated situation since he was part of an identical twin, who was not affected in any way, being 'normal' as children see it. So Leon was a good athlete and a very bright boy and Kieran wasn't far behind on any academic level, I was more required in the physical aspects such as break time games, school trips, P.E. etc. But I decided that this would finally enable me to have that one on one connection with a student that I always felt schools lacked.

The school term ended a week ago and I miss them both already. Leon was a little bit more tricky to get to know, being used to Kieran's helper always giving attention to only him, but once I got to know him too, I came to see what a wonderfully sensitive brother and friend he was to Kieran. And Kieran truely changed my life. It turns out that hewas far above average when it came to numeracy, but his love was actually literacy. It was only a week before he brought me his first 'story' called 'sparda the legendary knight.' Our conversations ranged from how long he had to wait before the illuminati (from the da vinci code) would come and ask him to join, to the fact that he didn't believe I had super powers, even though I told him that these powers only entailed being able to toast really good waffles. He ran the school 'marathon' (about 1km) holding on to me on the right and his dad on the left while the whole school waited for him (having finished an hour before) to cheer him at the finish line. He gave me a plant and named it 'yellow butterfly face' (even though the plant had white flowers) and discussed the intricases of the latest top trumps he got. I made him a black top hat with a green ribbon around and he wore it with pride at his shool play. (He told me that I officially had to give up green as my favourite colour,since it was his allready) And he continued writing stories about Tonga Lizards who were becoming extinct because of their golden teeth and wrote sincere letters to the paper about sparing the life of innocent spiders, carefully explaining the delicate balance of our ecological world.

I received a letter today in the post, addressed in his handwriting that I came to know so well, and he writes "I have just found out Everest's mum is having another baby because they went to the clinic and they told her. It was surprising when I found out. I hope you get this message write back soon. I want to know how you are and your family, because if there's any problems maybe I can sought them out or help you. You never know because I am very handy and cearing person, so don't forget that. I want you to know I am having a barbieque round my nans house.I want you to write back as soon as possible, tell me how you are I will keep an eye on you and what your are doing. I hope your first day of your new job goes very well. Best wishes, Kieran."

While I was making myself a cup of tea (the heat wave in London is finally over) I looked at yellow butterfly face and realized how incredibly fragile and beautiful people can be. It makes everything worthwhile if you can connect with someone, even if it just for a short while.

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science." -Albert Einstein

 I have always seen myself as an artist. I have just never felt 100% sure about the medium I should spesialise in. I know that it's not painting, drawing or sculpting. (I have tried that) I have been doing classical music since I was 8, and have never really seen this as the artform that everyone else sees it. So much of music is left to the logical and after the amount of hours I have spent training my ear, my hands and myself to be in absolute control of everything happening on stage, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. My love for photography have come closest to that what I imagine art should be. But after numerous films coming back with botched photo's, and now, the digital era taking away all my sense of magic, I have given up on that idea. That is, untill recently.

I will be honest. I didn't feel I deserved being part of the zaadz community, which is why I haven't posted anything since joining in february. I am not always positive, I rarely feel like I am the best version of myself. But worst of all, I have never felt that I have really made or did anything that could be seen as art/ something truly creative, and this being my worst fear, I basically just didn't have the guts to come out and say: I want to be an artist!

But, after all this time, I have come to realize a few things. The first I have learnt from a friend, Jodi, whom you all have probably read here. If she can have doubts, so can I. (I have always had a childlike admiration for her art, her views on life in general, and to me, she is the definition of an artist) Everyone has a bad day/writers block/botched film and we won't get over it untill we try again. And lastly, Becoming an artist is a journey and not a destination. And since I've come to realize that, I feel more like an artist than I did yesterday. I even had the guts to put up a few of my photos on my profile. (wow) I finally feel like I can contribute to this community, even if it is just by talking about the metamorphosii (plural?) that I (and other people) go through day to day. One day I'll be butterflying. (stealing Jodi's word)